A Brief History of Art and Science / MM01

Man’s evolution

This one is MM02. M, one of her initials. M, Mumbai. #2.

I met MM02 the other day over coffee. Black. Check. After a detailed discussion about locations, coffee shops and other places, we settled on a Bru. Check. Apart from Starbucks, Bru is probably the closest to a perfect coffee shop.

Like most meetings, I reached early. About two hours sooner than the time we had agreed on. But that was okay by me. It gave me time to work on my book (yeah, I am a writer, who’s trying to write books and make money). She texted and said she would be on time. Check. And she was. Check. Dressed in all black. Check.

Brief background here. Unlike other “dates,” this one just happened. As if it were meant to. We would have exchanged less than 20 messages and she popped up the question. And I said yes.

So she came, in all black, and after the initial awkwardness, we got talking. Like really talking!

The date, ladies and gents, went like that space rocket thats just meant to go up and up and up. There is no looking back. You know you are on a ride of a lifetime and even if you want to bail out, you can’t. It was that awesome. And just when I thought I have found that person, the rocket I was on, suddenly started plunging towards Mother Earth. So fast that I couldn’t believe that I was actually on moon a few seconds ago.

As the date ended, when the rocket stopped ascending into the infinite black vastness, it left this huge gaping void in my head, in my heart. It was so big, so vast, so hurtful that all the stars and moons around me couldn’t fill it. It’s been almost a week since I met her and I still think about her. And it still sucks to know that I am not meeting her again.

Thing is, I am very lucky to have met quite a few women – all of them great in their own way – but MM02 was truly different. She could talk about art, science, writing, philosophy, history, Darwin, evolution, Vienna Circle (which I had no clue about before she told me about), Karl Marx, The Big Bang Theory (not the show), creationism etc etc. To someone like me, who gets moved by intelligence and knowledge, it was like a dream come true. I was sent back to those days in school when I had a crush on my computer teacher. And my science teacher. And my history teacher. And every other teacher who helped me satiate my infinite curiosity. MM02 was so so cool that I could sit and listen to her for the rest of my life time.

Of course she had other ideas. I was way too inferior for someone like her. While I am a great conversationalist most times, with her, I had a hard time keeping up. I had to continuously prod her and get her to talk about things. It was like shaking the hornet’s nest, not knowing what spew of knowledge would come out and sting me by making me aware of my ignorance. And like any other act of “inviting” danger, it was exciting, scary and exhilarating.

Coming back, I don’t even remember the wide range of things we spoke about. If there is an equivalent of a crash course in education, I got it. In like an hour. If there is an equivalent of a TV show where great species are showcased, MM02 would be a top contender there. If there is a personification of alpha (fe)male, MM02 would be it.

And for precisely this reason, she won’t want to be with me. I am not alpha. Not even beta or theta or anything close. I am a mere mortal with genes that have made me bald even though I am merely in my 30s. Unlike her, however, I would give an arm and a leg to be with her. After all, as an intelligent human being, I am here to serve two purposes – sustenance and procreation. An opportunity with MM02 would ensure that I sustain and procreate. And create an offspring that keeps my gene going.

If you’re reading this, MM02, you are a wonderful woman. I am glad to have had met you. Thank you for your time. Wish you all the best!

Why this Kolaveri Di? / RM01

Let’s call this one RM01.

R – her first name started with R.
M – she is from Mumbai.
01 – she is the first one I am talking about on this blog. 01 because I am not sure if I will go beyond 99. That too, sounds like an insanely high number.

So, I came across RM01 on Tinder and since I indiscriminately swipe right on all women who “appear” unmarried (about 80%), I swiped right on this one as well. Unlike others where I hoped to get a match (because of the way they look, or the way their profile read or shared interests etc), RM01 was as ordinary as they come. She could have been the only woman on the planet and I would’ve still ignored her – that ordinary.

But when we started talking, I was surprised. Shocked. Shell shocked. Etc.

She was by far the best conversationalists that I’ve come across (check 1). She could hold conversation beyond his and hellos. She had opinions (check 2). And yet, she respected mine (check 3). She was educated, informed, cracked jokes, understood my jokes, talked sense and all such things that makes a woman desirable. She liked to travel (check 4), she loved Calvin and Hobbs. And she was not scared of getting judged (she did say a few dumb things and when I pointed em out, she was sport about it).

If I could play God and design a woman that could talk well, I think I would’ve created RM01. She was like 10 on 10 when it came to conversations – which is a huge huge turn on. No?

So she had 4 checks even before we exchanged numbers. I was beginning to think that she was THE answer to my fervent prayers for true love. I was almost sure that my hunt for lady love and lady luck is going to end at the door steps of RM01. Just that I was not sure how would she react if she saw me. But then, we had such a ball while talking that I was not worried about it at all.

Although the chat on Tinder is excruciatingly slow and buggy, we managed to keep each others’ attention for well over three hours, till she had to go sleep – which was fine by me. After all it was like 1 in the night and she said she was an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kinds and loved mornings (check 5).

However, as I woke up in the morning and checked for new messages (hoping desperately to see her latest quip about my erratic sleeping habits), I discovered that she had unmatched me!

And with that went all hopes of ever seeing her again. I couldn’t comprehend for the first few minutes that she had unmatched me. Like all lovers left in lurch, I went through stages of surprise, denial, anger and finally acceptance. I scrolled up and down the list. I checked messages from every match – hoping that it would be her. I was jilted. And no, I was not in love yet.

Since I am the “You are ok, I am NOT ok” personality type, I assume I must have done something to have pissed her off. She dint really mean to unmatch me. But she was angry and shit happened! I have thought about her (and the conversations) multiple times since. But I haven’t been able to understand what went wrong. After all, isnt this how you choose to go on a date? With someone would you could talk to?

I wish there was a way to go back to her. And if not a conversation, ask her just one more question – “why this Kolaveri Di?”

P.S.: The non-South-Indian in me has been made to believe that “Why this Kolaveri Di?” translates into “Why are you angry oh dear?”

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